Being a Water-Walker

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The Double-Minded College Student September 4, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — judgedbyhim @ 9:14 pm

So, I know it’s been forever, and I do apologize for that. Life got so crazy that nothing went up here anymore. But now, I’m creeping up on a week since my family dropped me off at Appalachian Bible College in Beckley, WV. Since then, I’ve had SO much going on. So much stress, so much craziness, and at the same time so much fun.

Yesterday was the first day of classes. I only had three classes and chapel, but it turned out to be the most stressful day I’ve had, well, since I can remember. My classes were Bible Doctrine Overview, Fundamentals of Speech, and English Grammar. BDO was pretty good, but there’s plenty of work involved. It was when I got to Speech that I got overwhelmed. As the teacher, Mrs. Parvin, said, it’s a hard work class, not a hard class. Quantum Physics is a hard class. Speech is hard WORK because there’s so much to do. And, quite honestly, it’s very overwhelming. It doesn’t help that I’m terrified of speaking in front of people.

English Grammar was fun–as I expected–but the syllabus was just one more to add to the stack, and only increased my syllabus shock. Later that day, I had to go to a work meeting a grab 5 shifts in the kitchen during the week. I need the job in order to afford school, but it cuts my study time by at least 8 hours a week–daunting. By the end of the day, I was almost in tears, evaluating all the work I was going to have to do and just how overwhelming it was. Actually, I was almost in tears several times throughout the day.

I called my mom and vented a little, still not quite able to let out the tears (I’m stubborn like that). Finally, I hung up, with the assurance that she would pray for me, and did some more studying before I went to bed.

I was looking back through my English Grammar notes and I saw a line that just hit my heart (as I was sitting there panicking). Mr. Chesley said, since we all feel that we are called by God to be where we are at ABC, that this is my ministry. My MINISTRY–the way I’m serving God right now–is by being a good student. Just like in a ministry in the church, I would do my work for the glory of God, being conscious that everything i did would be a part of my good testimony, the same goes for my schooling here.

It also occurred to me that I came here on faith that God would provide the money for me to be here. Even though it’s still hard to see that happening, I know it’s not my way, it’s God’s way, and my earthly eyes are
blind to that. God WILL provide, if this is where He wants me.

WHY, then, am I sitting here panicking, anxious to the point of feeling nauseous, every time I open my speech book or glance at a syllabus? If God has the grace to enable me financially to be here, won’t He do the same for my academics? I justify my faith in the provision of finances by saying that God wants me here, therefore there’s no way He won’t provide.. Well, if I have full faith He’ll provide money, then He WILL provide the academic capability–and the time to get things done–as well. He wouldn’t give me the financial ability to survive, and leave me hanging in the academics.

So, I was still almost in tears. You know how sometimes the emotions build up so much that you just need to cry to get it out, and then you go on with your business? I needed to do that, release those hormones. So I wished my roommate would just go to sleep so I could. Despite the tears, however, I felt a good measure calmer than I did. I fell asleep–without crying–and hopped up in the morning to go to class again.

The peace I felt was unbelievable. My first class was my 2nd, dreaded Speech class, but it went by so well. I made Mrs. Parvin cookies and wrote her a note explaining my fears and my hope to learn a lot and do well. She emailed me later on that day and thanked me, expressing that she actually feels much the same way when she begins to teach a new class, and that GOd is the only way she is able to do what she does! It was quite an eye opener.

Throughout the day, despite receiving two more syllabi for two more classes, I maintained a calm and even a joy throughout the day. I returned from classes, did some reading, oral Speech practice, and the first draft of my speech due on Tuesday.

I still have a lot of reading to do tonight and I’m feeling a little bit of the strain, but I think–no, I know–I’ll survive. I’m sure this course load, compared to others’, is nothing.  To me, however, it’s a great deal, and it’s all I can handle right now. I was supposed to be adding a 3-credit Spanish class, but I may have to drop it. It may be just too much.

Please, continue praying for me. There is still a lot of potential for me to forget God’s provision and once again slip into fear.


One Response to “The Double-Minded College Student”

  1. Well you’re getting initiated into the college experience real fast. It’s not so bad. Just take one step at a time and you’ll be fine. 😉

    I’ll be praying for you.

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